A soon-to-be husband wakes up on the morning after his bachelor party in bed with another woman.

Paul: [after finding out they didn't do it] Then how did I get crabs?
Becky: You've got crabs?
Paul: Yeah. You gave me crabs.
Becky: I DO NOT HAVE CRABS!
Paul: You don't?
Becky: No. But if I do I'm going to hunt you down and kill your crabby ass.
Dorothy: Where's the groom-to-be?
Karen: He's not here yet.
Dorothy: You know Paul, he always comes a little late.
Buck: What do you think of that, Kenny?
Ken: So, Buck, are you a duffer?
Buck: Well, if you mean do I like playing with my balls, the answer's yes.
[Paul and Pete discuss Paul sleeping with Becky after his bachelor party]
Pete: Wait 'till she's drunk... next Thanksgiving or Christmas, or better yet, this Saturday at your wedding, after she's had four gin and tonics and she steps up to the microphone and she's telling the whole world.
Paul: That's not gonna happen.
Pete: [mimicking Becky] Everyone, your attention please. I just think you should all know Karen's husband Paul nailed me last Saturday. Yeah, hot sex, and now I'm carrying his child. Thank you for listening. Please return to your entrees.
[Ahmed the tailor barges in on Paul and Pete in the dressing room]
Ahmed: How is it, huh? Is it smoking? Listen, if don't love it, I still have double-breasted white ones sitting on the runway. You want to talk about a burning hot look? Sizzle!
Paul: Ahmed, no, that's fine. This is great, thanks.
Ahmed: Word!
Aunt Budge: I would kill for some diarrhea! I haven't had a bowel movement in 17 days!
Buck: So Kenny, what do you think of the condo?
Ken: [struggling to be tactful] It's great... it's got a lot of... character.
Buck: When I gave up the bachelor pad, I said to Dorothy, I'll move in with you under one condition: it's gotta reflect my style.
[proudly points to huge painting of John Wayne]
Buck: The Duke... signed by the artist!
Dorothy: These are going to be our in-laws, so we really have to make sure that...
Buck: Honey, I'm a pants salesman. I think I know how to act around people.

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