An FBI agent reprises his disguise as a corpulent old lady and takes a job as a nanny in a crime suspect's house.

Stewart: What do you think I'm trying to do, get free HBO? This stuff's hard!
Kevin: Uh, okay, this is, uh, Agent Kinnealy. Please advise, I just made BM in the back of a cab.
Liliana Morales: Uh, you did what in the back of the cab?
Kevin: Big Momma! I just made Big... I saw Big Momma in the back of a cab, and now I'm going to get VD... Visual data. I'm going... Never mind.
Big Momma: This is a family beach not chip and dales.
Oshima: I'm, uh, going to have to wand you.
Big Momma: Wand me? Well, wand on. Find what you're looking for?
[wand squeaking]
Big Momma: Tha-That's underwire.
Oshima: Yeah.
Big Momma: Keeping these fun bags off the floor is a full-time job.
Big Momma: I'm Hattie Mae Pierce, but you can call me Big Momma everybody calls me Big Momma.
Big Momma: Boy, you must be stuck on stupid!
Malcolm: [to Andrew] Boy you are 2 kinds of crazy.
Mall Old Man: [to Malcolm as he's hiding from his wife in the mall] Been there.
Big Momma: Ooh! We got a gusher! Oh, my goodness! Oh, this is the last time I feed this boy pickled pig's feet.
Fuller's Secretary, Lucy: You're going to change his diaper right here?
Big Momma: Uh, yes, but don't worry. I'll contain the seepage, okay? I just hope your hard drives are backed up.
Fuller's Secretary, Lucy: Mr. Fuller has a bathroom in his office.
Big Momma: Girl, you got a mean streak in you, and God don't like ugly.
[last lines]
Malcolm: You never know when Big Momma might show up again!
Molly: [in response to Big Momma's breakfast] It's like out of a magazine.
Big Momma: What do we want Mrs. Fuller?
Leah Fuller: Umm... more butt?
Carrie Fuller: Look! Big Momma even made Poncho happy!
Big Momma: [after giving Poncho tequila] Go on and get your tilt on.
Leah Fuller: If you'd checked the schedule you would've seen that Carrie had a violin lesson, and Andrew had tutoring.
Malcolm: Tutoring? He's only 2 years old.

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