Two men get laid off and have to become stay-at-home dads when they can't find jobs. This inspires them to open their own day-care center.

Phil: [in the carrot suit] Nobody likes broccoli!
Charlie Hinton: [in the broccoli suit] Ben likes broccoli! Don't you, Ben?
Ben: Nope.
Charlie Hinton: You turned my own sprout against me? Now you're gonna die!
Charlie Hinton: Hey, man, how did it go in there?
Max: ...I missed.
Charlie Hinton: He heh... what does that mean?
Max: I missed!
Charlie Hinton: Oh, hell, no!
Ben: Remember when you broke my yo-yo?
Charlie Hinton: I did not break your yo-yo.
Ben: You did!
Charlie Hinton: I did not break your yo-yo.
Ben: Yes, you did!
Charlie Hinton: Your yo-yo was broke.
Ben: Yes, you did! Yes, you did! Admit-admit it! Ya killin me! Ya really killin me!
Charlie Hinton: So... what else can we learn about?
Jamie: Dolphins. Dolphins are good.
Max: Dolphins are fish!
Becca: No, they're not!
Max: Yeah-huh, they live in water!
Becca: That doesn't mean they're fish!
Charlie Hinton: Hey, hey, hey... Calm down now. Maybe we should just ask another question here.
Jamie: ...Where do babies come from?
Charlie Hinton: Eh, eh... Y'know, why don't we go back to the dolphins, or something other than *that*?
Charlie Hinton: If you don't stop it with that Star Trek stuff, I'm gonna push you in that sticker bush.
Kelli: Hi, are you the new daddy?
Marvin: I'm your daddy.
[wheeze]
Marvin: I'm not your daddy! I'm your baby's daddy! Er - I'm not your *baby's* daddy! I'm gonna be... I mean, I'm-a... I'm-a... I'm...
Phil: You're Marvin...
Marvin: ...Marvin.
Charlie Hinton: Ok, you're gonna go out straight for a pass, and I want you to be my blocker. You're gonna come across and cut left and I'll...
Max: How 'bout we just run in a circle?
Charlie Hinton: ...Yeah, OK, that's a better idea! How 'bout we just aaaall run in a circle?
Charlie Hinton: If you put your kids through this they're gonna be miserable in four languages...
Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: Five, we start Portugese in the fall.
Phil: Let's get safety gate crazy.
Jamie's Mom: Who are you going to call if there's any problem?
[gives her a phone]
Jamie: 911, Mommy.
Jamie's Mom: Oh, such a good girl!
Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: Rock for Daddy Day Care... Do you know what this means?
Jenny: A... chance to prove ourselves in a little healthy competition?
Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: No, you bubble-headed idiot. It's a deathwish.
Becca: We need more learning about things!
Charlie Hinton: More learning about things?
Becca: Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds!
[last lines]
Charlie Hinton: Whoa! Hey, little man!
[looks around room]
Charlie Hinton: I'd say this wasn't a bad trade-off.
Ben: Yeah, Dad.
Charlie Hinton: Today we need some organization and planned activities.
Phil: No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.
Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: My dear Jennifer... In life, there are winners and there are losers; and to win, you have to play dirty!
Crispin: [shouts] Shut-up, Butthead!
Charlie Hinton: Shut-up, Butthead? I'm sure your mommy and daddy don't like you talking like that. When your mommy comes to get you I'm going to tell her what you said.
[Crispin kicks Charlies shin]
Charlie Hinton: [yells] Owww!
Mr. Carrott: B-R-O-C-C-O-L-I! I am the broccoli and don't know why! C-A-R-R-O AND A T! Carrots are healthy for you and me!
Charlie Hinton: Wow, goats really love pie
[first lines]
Ben: Good morning, Daddy.
Charlie Hinton: Hey, Ben, how you doing, man?
[yawn]
Charlie Hinton: Oh, God. Daddy's got to get ready for work.
Ben: Can't you stay home?
Charlie Hinton: No, I got a big day at work today. A real big day.
The Flash: We need more chasing bad guys!
Marvin: Hey, that's an excellent idea!
The Flash: Like the Joker!
Marvin: No, you see, buddy, that's Batman's bad guy. You're the Flash, you need to be fighting...
The Flash: Lex Luthor?
Marvin: No, that's Superman. You need to be fighting Captain Boomerang, Gorilla Grod, the Reverse Flash...
The Flash: How about the Riddler?
Marvin: [to Charlie and Phil] What are you doing to these kids?
Charlie Hinton: Any boob can run a day-care center but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on, a family.
Charlie Hinton: [after Crispin had kicked Charlie in the shin] I'll see you tomorrow Crispin. Tomorrow!

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