Follows the lives of six 20-something friends living in Manhattan.

[repeated line]
Joey Tribbiani: How you doin'?
Rachel: See? Unisex.
Joey: Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.
Rachel: No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.
Joey: I wouldn't say no to that.
[repeated line]
Ross: We were on a break!
[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
[Ross defends his fast eating habits to Rachel]
Ross: I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat.
Chandler: I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Janice: [repeated line throughout the series] Oh... my... God!
Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Rachel: You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break.
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler: Oh, my God.
Monica: Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
Monica: There's a reason why girls don't do this.
Chandler: Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.
Joey: Rach, you gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?
Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.
Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
Ross: [frantically presses buttons on answering machine] Oh my God! Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: [from behind] I got off the plane.
[Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
[Rachel is upset about something]
Phoebe: Aww Pheebs.
Rachel: Honey, that's your name.
Phoebe: Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other.
[after hearing about Chandlers breakup with Janice]
Phoebe: Where's Chandler?
Joey: He's grieving.
[We see Chandler running outside]
Chandler: I'M FREE. I AM FREE.
Ross: First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.
Ross: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Free as a bird, what's up?
Rachel: I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing"
[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey: It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.
Joey: Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written... are you ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving?
Joey: Yes!
Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.
Monica: I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross.
Rachel: I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there.
Joey: I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years.
Chandler: That was five years ago.
Joey: I know. You got five more years.
Chandler: Joey...
Joey: You want to make it six?
[Monica knocks]
Chandler: You can't come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?
Joey: I'm Joey. I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films.
[Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are trapped in Monica's bedroom]
Joey: I'm hungry.
Phoebe: We could eat the wax. It's organic.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
Chandler: Because THAT would be crazy.
Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!
Joey: So, what, you just want to stay here and wait for Rachel to come back from her date?
Ross: Yeah. I mean, this guy could be my baby's stepfather.
Joey: They go out on one date and you worry about her marrying him? He's not you.
[Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes]
Ross: Curie.
Rachel: Veto. Rain.
Ross: Veto. Mark.
Rachel: Veto. Vince.
Ross: Veto. Lance.
Rachel: Veto. James.
Ross: Hmmm...
Rachel: If it's a girl.
Ross: Veto.
Phoebe: Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?
Joey: Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Chandler: You've got waaaay too much free time.
Phoebe: Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Monica: Phoebe, your mom killed herself.
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer.
Phoebe: Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.
Ross: Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
Rachel: Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
Ross: That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Ok, you got a better one?
Ross: Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
Rachel: Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: By Sandrine.
[Chandler's roommate, Eddie has just accused him of sleeping with his ex girlfriend and killing his fish]
Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?
Chandler: Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish.
Chandler: [to Ross] Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children... The personal ad writes itself.
Monica: Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?
Chandler: They were just giving it away at the mall...
[Monica stares]
Chandler: exchange for money.
[Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby]
Ross: OK, how about Ruth?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?
Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.
Chandler: We're getting a house.
Monica: We're getting a baby.
Chandler: We're growing up.
Monica: We sure are.
Chandler: So who's going to tell them?
Monica: Not it.
Chandler: Not it. Damn it!
Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.
Rachel: ...How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!
[Ross is trying to talk Rachel's boss into giving her her job back so she won't go to Paris; Mr. Zelner has a son who is also named Ross]
Ross: Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants.
[Mr. Zelner looks shocked]
Ross: I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones - fossils!
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference.
Phoebe: They're coming. Run!
Joey: Where?
Phoebe: Mexico!
Chandler: Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance.
Ben: Thanks, daddy.
Ross: No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy.
[Ross and Joey's first meeting]
Ross: [glum] My wife's a lesbian.
Joey: Cool.
Chandler: Ross, this is Joey. Joey, Ross.
Monica: You don't like the game, because you suck at it.
Chandler: I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.
Phoebe: I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?
Monica: I'll have a latte.
Ross: I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf.
Chandler: I'll have a bagel with a little...
Phoebe: You know I was just being polite.
Monica: I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals.
Chandler: Before or after you're executed by your own troops?
Ross: I love marriage.
Phoebe: Seriously? You?... Divorce-O?
Ross: [after trying to kiss his cousin]
Ross: Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER.
[actually speaking to his cousin]
Ross: I haven't had sex in a very long time.
[thinking again]
Ross: Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything.
Janice: [Janice walks downstairs and finds Monica and Chandler looking at her house] What a small world!
Chandler: ...And yet, I never run into Beyonce.
Monica: Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: I'd probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if "Little Joey"'s dead, then I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh, Joey... Omnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry.
Monica: Hi.
Chandler: You are not gonna believe what I did today.
Monica: Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave.
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler.
Chandler: Although, I hope they don't.
Monica: Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?
Chandler: Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five!
Monica: What is the matter with your hand?
Chandler: Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words.
Monica: Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler: Because it's awesome.
Monica: You think this is clever?
Chandler: Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge.
Monica: Wait a minute, this one's not dirty.
Chandler: Well, it is, when you put it together with that one.
Monica: Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there.
Chandler: Come on, he wont even know what they mean.
Monica: He's seven, not stupid.
Chandler: Have you talked to him lately?
Monica: All right, I'm just going to unplug it...
Chandler: No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work!
[Monica unplugs it]
Chandler: Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip!
Monica: You gotta beat your scores.
Chandler: With the claw?
Monica: Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger".
Chandler: Pull my finger... my hand is messed up!
Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?
Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well I've had the same walk since high school and you know how when a guy walks into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?
Ross: I guess I should have known... we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool."
Monica: [chasing after him] Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it.
Chandler: [motioning with his hands] I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.
[Upon hearing Ross practicing the bagpipe for their wedding]
Monica: Why must your family be Scottish?
Chandler: Why must your family be *Ross*?
[Joey is posing as a doctor in order to get information about a patient that Phoebe likes]
[Just been told the patients date of birth]
Joey: Age...?
Patient: Can't you work that out by my date of birth?
Joey: I'm a doctor, not a mathematician.
Ross: If you're going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It's just cooler.
Joey: Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey! I'm not judging here.
Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.
Chandler: Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks.
Joey: Why?
Chandler: There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met.
Joey: How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing.
Chandler: I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in.
Joey: I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines.
Chandler: [sarcastically] It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living.
Joey: I know.
Ross: Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.
Chandler: Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.
Joey: [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
Joey: Get out of the way jackass.
[to Rachel]
Joey: Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
[Ross is trying to cheer Chandler up who won't get out of his sweatpants]
Ross: C'mon man, just take 'em off, just take 'em off and we'll have some fun.
Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!
Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!
Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?
Chandler: Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up...
[notices Monica's angry glare]
Chandler: And now I wish I was dead.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?
Chandler: It's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!
Phoebe: [explaining to Mike's parents and friends her song] And then it goes back to the chorus, "Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault" and that's it.
Phoebe: I know you didn't ask but no-one had spoken for fourteen minutes.
Monica: [the Friends are at the beach] Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat.
Chandler: [to Joey] You know that's not really true.
Joey: Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie.
Chandler: Why? What happened to him?
Joey: Nothing; he just really believes that.
Chandler: I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y... I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?
[Joey walks into the Central Perk coffee shop]
Joey: Hey Gunther, have you seen Chandler?
Gunther: I thought you were Chandler.
[Joey looks disturbed]
Gunther: [motioning to Chandler] Um, one of you is over there.
Ross: You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Ross: Oh. *Oh*. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.
Rachel: Okay, no uterus, no opinion.
[Monica tells the others that she and Chandler won't have any more sex before the wedding]
Ross: A no sex pact! I have one of those with every woman in America!
Joey: I don't get it. Why can't we use the same toothbrush? We use the same soap.
Chandler: That's different. The toothbrush has been in my mouth.
Joey: OK. But next time you're in the shower, think of the first place you're washing, and the last place I washed.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it'
[Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook]
Joey: Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13.
[looks all confused]
Joey: And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
[doing a crossword puzzle]
Ross: Heating device.
Phoebe: Radiator.
Ross: Five letters.
Phoebe: Rdatr.
Rachel: Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore.
Rachel: No, no we're not.
Ben: Coz you and dad were on a break.
[Joey has to sleep with a woman to get a part]
Joey: I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of... y'know, the Little General.
Chandler: Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?
Joey: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.
[Rachel doesn't take his advice]
Joey: Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Monica: Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
Rachel: How many ways are there to do that?
Mike Hanigan: You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?
Ross: No...
Mike Hanigan: Oh okay. You just have that look.
Ross: [to himself] Damn SuperCuts!
Monica: Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?
Rachel: No, I was going to do this all by myself.
Joey: [laughs] You're gonna do it?
Rachel: Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?
Joey: Oh, women can. You... can't.
[after settling a fight between Monica and Rachel]
Phoebe: Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches.
Chandler: You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows.
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?
Rachel: Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?
Monica: Hey. Where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Joey: I am telling this to Rachel.
Monica: No, Joey.
Joey: Unless...
Chandler: Unless what?
Joey: Unless you name your first born after me.
Chandler: What? Why?
Joey: Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribianni.
Joey: Oh ho ho. You almost had me there.
Joey: Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass over here.
Phoebe: Really? Mine get me out of tickets.
Rachel: Oh, honey. Don't get up. What do you need?
Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, nothing.
Rachel: Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything.
Phoebe: Okay, I have a wedgie.
Rachel: Okay, that is all you.
Joey: [Joey is talking on the phone to the mom of a girl he met in the hospital who is in labour] Joey Tribianni
Joey: 25
Joey: Yeah I'm single
Joey: Actor... hello?
[a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma]
Phoebe: Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I have is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: That's okay.
[Adds them]
Phoebe: All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
Chandler: I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets.
Joey: What secrets?
Chandler: Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
[the girls walk away]
Joey: You'll tell me later?
Chandler: You already know.
Monica: Joey, did you actually interview her before you asked her to move in?
Joey: Of course I did.
Monica: Well, what did you ask her?
Joey: 'When can you move in?'.
Ross: [receiving his Christmas gift] You got me a cola drink.
Chandler: And a LEMON LIME.
Ross: You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater.
Joey: And last but not least.
[Monica receives her gift]
Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh. Are we opening presents?
Monica: No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I - Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Give me one more.
Joey: Okay.
[hands her one]
[Chandler enters with a terrible hang-over]
Monica: How ya doin'?
Chandler: Well, my apartment's not there anymore because I drank it.
Nora Bing: Hi, Chandler. This is Dennis. He's a great guy...
Nora Bing: [softly] ... and a fantastic lover.
Chandler: Hello, Dennis. Thank you for pleasing my mother so.
[Joey enters wearing an elf costume. Chandler is in agony]
Chandler: Too many jokes. Must mock Joey.
Phoebe: Oh, look. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his Christmas tree. Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls.
Ross: I would date her but there is a big age difference.
Joey: Well think about it when you're 90...
Ross: I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference.
Joey: No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Joey: Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to *beg* to sleep with him. He got you to say he *never* has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a *great* idea?
Phoebe: [weakly] Uh-huh.
Joey: This man is my God!
Rachel: [upset] All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.
Ross: Seriously?
Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to - had to cut a big chunk of my hair.
[she starts crying]
Rachel: And it was uneven for weeks.
Ross: [sarcastically] And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.
Rachel: Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.
Rachel: And I was thinking Claire Danes.
[in Barbados, Rachel runs into Monica and Chandler's room in the morning and opens the curtains, it has been raining a lot]
Monica: The sun is out!
Chandler: [squinting in pain] Hey, remember when I had corneas?
Phoebe: Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD.
[Chandler and Joey got two lawn chairs, a chick and a duck]
Chandler: Could we BE more white trash?
Frank Buffay Jr.: My sister's having my baby.
[a beautiful women is checking out Chandler]
Phoebe: [stands up] Ok, I need to get this right so give me a sec...
[clears throat and talks in a deep voice]
Phoebe: Yo, dude. Eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out.
Chandler: What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Ross: A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor - in a COMA - who didn't hear you.
Ross: Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?
Chandler: Depends on what you mean by "we".
Joey Tribbiani: [after smelling potpourri] Well, this is like summer in a bowl!
Joey: Va fa napoli.
[Rachel complaining about her father]
Rachel: Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".
Chandler: Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Chandler: [after accidentally spitting out gum whilst trying to blow a bubble to "charm" Jill Goodacre]
Chandler: Just reach over and pick it up...
[discreetly picks up gum from table and pops it back in mouth]
Chandler: There we go! Good save! Now it's all good and you're... chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God! Oh, my *God*!
[suddenly starts to gag]
Chandler: And now you're choking.
Jill Goodacre: [frowns] Are you okay?
[Chandler continues to choke and flashes a thumbs-up]
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.
Monica: Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh.
[Bangs on her glass with a spoon to make a toast]
Monica: Okay, umm, I just wanna say that... I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night.
[Chandler clears his throat]
Monica: Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit.
[On living alone]
Joey: I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts... turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
Chandler: My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi.
Monica: Who's Mr. Gribaldi?
Ross: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Chandler: Du-ude!
Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
Joey: [thinking] OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel.
[Rachel walks into the room]
Rachel: Hey, sweetie.
Joey: [thinking] I love you.
[Monica and Richard are about to tell Monica's parents about their relationship]
Monica: Can't we tell your parents first?
Richard: They're both dead.
Monica: Oh, you are *so* lucky.
[Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross]
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?
[Ross enters with his gift for Mona]
Rachel: What are you talking about? I live here.
Ross: [nervously gives Mona her present] Happy Valentine's Day.
[Mona stares angrily at Ross]
Ross: Or, something to remember me by...
[Ross is walking down the aisle at Chandler and Monica's wedding]
Ross: Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce.
Rachel: How about for a girl, Rain?
Ross: Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."
Phoebe: I know her!
Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Rachel: I'm not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he's divorced.
Monica: No, you go after them five minutes before they get married...
Ross: [clinks wine glass] Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller.
Jack Geller: DR. Ross Geller.
Ross: Dad... Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller...
[to Ross]
Chandler: You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year.
Ross: [leaning over and talking to Rachel's lap] I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words.
Phoebe: [wide eyed] Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"
Monica: Chandler. You're smoking again?
Chandler: Well, yesterday I was smoking again, and today... I'm smoking still...
Chandler: The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six."
Monica: The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass... Seven!'
Joey: You two were having sex.
Monica: No, we weren't.
Joey: Yeah, you were. I can see it by the back of Chandler's hair.
[to Chandler]
Joey: You are so lazy, can't you get on top for once?
Phoebe: Today is Mike and my one year anniversary.
Rachel: Oh! What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?
Phoebe: Yeah!
[Telling Rachel how to be sexy]
Joey: There was this movie, "Footloose".
Chandler: "Flashdance".
Joey: Where this plumber chick...
Chandler: She was a welder
Joey: What, were you like *in* the movie?
Phoebe: Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler... have a
Phoebe: handlerrrrr.
Ross: Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?
Ross: Hey, I might.
Joey Tribbiani: You don't put words in people's mouths, you put *turkey* in people's mouths!
Chandler: [Monica thinks their maid stole her pants and bra] Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?
Monica: Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime!
Chandler: [acting as outraged as her] She must have been planning this for years!
Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.
Monica: Did you just smell my hair?
Pete: No.
Monica: Oh my God, you still have feelings for me, don't you?
Pete: No I don't.
Monica: None at all?
Pete: Okay I love you, is that so wrong?
Rachel: [walking out of the bathroom] Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages.
Chandler: And you thought of that in there?
Monica: Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did.
Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
Ross: [to his parents] Look, I, uh- I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Ross: Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture.
Joey: Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans.
[winks at Ross]
Ross: Why'd you wink at me?
Joey: Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much.
[talking about Ralph Lauren]
Joey: I hate his underwear. one time I brought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there.
Chandler: All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you...
[to Joey]
Chandler: Well, except you.
Phoebe: [Rachel's hormones are raging] She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?
Monica: Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me.
Phoebe: Did not!
Monica: Yes, you did.
[puts on a seductive look]
Monica: Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on.
[blows Monica a kiss]
Rachel: Guys! Stop it! This is even turning me on!
[Joey and Chandler apartment has been robbed]
Joey: Aw, man. He took the five of spades.
[looks through deck]
Joey: No, here it is.
Monica: I'll never have a first kiss again.
Phoebe: You'll have a last kiss.