When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive.

Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Sláinte.
Dr. Adam Smith: I need a photograph with it for National Geographic! And Facebook.
Garda Lisa Nolan: What is that thing?
Dr. Adam Smith: I haven't a clue. I've never seen anything like it before. It's a completely foreign species. I can't even begin to originate or class it.
Paddy Barrett: A "grabber."
Garda Lisa Nolan: You're drunk.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: No, I'm not. No.
Garda Lisa Nolan: Is that right?
[Ciarán chuckles]
Garda Lisa Nolan: Say the alphabet backwards for me.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Em... Zed... Et cetera.
Garda Lisa Nolan: I hope you're not driving.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: No. I'm taking Johnny's horse. Yah.
Garda Lisa Nolan: You're going to ride a horse while intoxicated?
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Yeah, so? The horse is sober.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: [Touching the seemingly dead alien species] It's dead, right?
Dr. Adam Smith: Ummm, I'm not sure.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: [Moves away cautiously] You're not what?
Dr. Adam Smith: Basic tests I've done so far have shown up nothing usual or normal. It is beyond mystifying. I mean, really, I can't be sure without opening it up.
Paddy Barrett: [Swiftly beats it with a stick; it doesn't move] Ah... Tis dead.
Brian Maher: Light me!
Garda Lisa Nolan: Get away from him, you cuuuuuunt!
Dr. Adam Smith: Your floor is broken.
Una Maher: You're throwing a party?
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Yeah.
Una Maher: Why?
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Who needs a reason to have a laugh, ha-ha-ha?
Garda Lisa Nolan: [slurring] It's a welcome party for me.
Una Maher: Welcome party? But you're leaving in a fortnight.
Garda Lisa Nolan: So it's a goodbye party, whatever.
Una Maher: You only just got here.
Garda Lisa Nolan: [slurring, to O'Shea] What's her problem?
Garda Lisa Nolan: It's always the quiet places where the mad shit happens.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: What killed him, Jim?
Dr. Jim Gleeson: The fact that he's just a head. You bring me someone with a head cold or a headache and I could do something, but you bring me just a head and you're taking the piss. Jesus, they could bury him in a shoe box.
Garda Lisa Nolan: Doctor, we need to know.
Dr. Jim Gleeson: He was mauled in some way by some... animal or... something. I dunno. A tiger?
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: What is it, Paddy?
Paddy Barrett: Wouldn't you like to know?
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Not really, no.
Paddy Barrett: You would, though.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: No, not really.
Paddy Barrett: You would. If you were to know what I know, you'd want to know.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: All right, tell us then.
Paddy Barrett: [leans in] Right, so, between you and me, I caught meself a sea monster today. Swear to God, may he strike me down. You don't believe me?
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Not a bit.
Paddy Barrett: I am no liar.
Brian Maher: Ha!
Paddy Barrett: Feck off, you!
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: All right, where is it?
Paddy Barrett: In me bathtub.
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: In your bathtub.
Paddy Barrett: Having a bath.
[Paddy laughs]
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Goodnight, Paddy.
Brian Maher: You bring potcheen into my bar?
Paddy Barrett: A bird never flew on one wing.
Paddy Barrett: I say we feed it Father Potts. Unless it eats shit, it'll choke to death.
Garda Lisa Nolan: Looks like it should be nice out.
Una Maher: Ah, there's a storm coming.
Garda Lisa Nolan: Oh? Really?
Una Maher: Mmm.
Garda Lisa Nolan: Are the gulls flying low or something?
Una Maher: No, it was on the telly.
[gestures to TV weather forecast]
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: As, as, as... flattering as it is... to hear a... a beautiful drunk s-slurrin' her feelings for me... now's not the time.
Dr. Jim Gleeson: In all my years I've never seen anything like it.
Dr. Adam Smith: Youuuu... really are Irish!
Dr. Adam Smith: I can't feel my face!
Garda Lisa Nolan: Smith said it needs water, right?
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: Pfff... says a lot of things.
Paddy Barrett: Mostly bollocks.
Garda Lisa Nolan: Whatever. But if it needs water to survive, how could it be movin' about on dry land?
Paddy Barrett: It was rainin'. When it's rainin', there's no such thing as dry land.
Tadhg Murphy: 'Tis no feckin' lobster!
Garda Ciarán O'Shea: If we taint our blood with booze, we're poisonous to eat.

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