Albert Einstein helps a young man who's in love with Einstein's niece to catch her attention by pretending temporarily to be a great physicist.

Ed Walters: Frank, this is Albert Einstein, the smartest man in the world.
Frank: [greeting Einstein] How they hanging?
Bob Rosetti: You're Albert Einstein!
Albert Einstein: Yes.
Bob Rosetti: E equals M C squared!
Albert Einstein: [laughs] I hope so.
Ed Walters: It was like death - but in a good way.
Catherine Boyd: I need to call a phone. Do you mind if I use your cab?
Ed Walters: There's a cab in the office.
Boris Podolsky: James! How's the rat business?
James Moreland: Well, actually it's mostly students I'm experimenting on now.
Kurt Godel: My God, the mazes must be enormous.
[Albert turns the rudder of the sailboat causing Catherine to fall into Ed's lap]
Catherine Boyd: Uncle Albert!
Albert Einstein: I'm steering ze boat...
[explaining to Ed how he should tell Catherine that he's not a physicist]
Bob Rosetti: It's not that hard. You just call her up and say, "Hello, I'm a lying grease monkey."
Albert: Zat gravity, it's a killer.
Ed Walters: You see, you have a Lucas type four generator on a 12-volt system, and you know the British. They'd rather spend time gluing wood on a dashboard than getting the electrical system right.
James Moreland: Fascinating, but what is wrong with the car?
Ed Walters: [while looking at Catherine Boyd] Well, my guess is your stroke is too short and you're getting premature ignition. Does it ever feel that way?
Albert Einstein: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
Ed Walters: Well what would be the odds of that happening?
Albert: Don't let your brain interfere with your heart.
[showing Ed Walters a four-in-one pen]
Louis Bamberger: Look at that - red, green, black! It's like having four pens in one! What an exciting time to be alive!
Kurt Godel: I would rather be an optimist and a fool than a pessimist and right.
Catherine Boyd: [expressing her disbelief in Ed's scientific credentials] He is a mechanic!
Albert Einstein: I was a clerk in a patent office. Faraday was a carpenter. Isaac Newton was an insurance salesman.
Albert Einstein: God does not play dice with the universe, but I will.
Albert Einstein: If you had had a nickel for every nickel that he has, you would have a lot of nickels.
Ed Walters: You were a patent clerk.
Albert Einstein: Sigmund Freud, I'm sure, was a tobacconist.
Nathan Liebknecht: Ahh, he threw the racket up to get the birdie. He threw Godel's cane up there to get the racket.
Kurt Godel: I threw Podolsky's golf club up there to get even with him!
Louis Bamberger: "New Jersey: Leader in Intergalactic Rocket Exploration." How's that sound for a license plate?
Ed Walters: Long?
Boris Podolsky: We're going to throw Godel up there next.
Bob Rosetti: This has gotta be the dumbest thing anybody ever did to impress a dame.
Catherine Boyd: [as she leaves] Isaac Newton was *not* an insurance salesman.
Albert Einstein: Algae? This is a color?
Albert Einstein: Catherine is my niece.
Ed Walters: She's your niece?
Albert Einstein: Yes
Ed Walters: She's... your niece?
Albert Einstein: I can't have a niece?
Ed Walters: But that makes you... her uncle.
Albert Einstein: It works nicely, doesn't it?
James Moreland: [referring to Ed] I was wrong about him. He is not an idiot-savant at all. He is the real thing. He is an idiot-idiot!
Catherine Boyd: You took Albert Einstein for a ride on that thing?
Ed Walters: Sure.
Catherine Boyd: Well don't ever do that again!
Ed Walters: Come on. He loved it. He went Wahoo.
Catherine Boyd: Wahoo?
Ed Walters: When's the last time he said Wahoo?
Catherine Boyd: Well I'm sure I don't know.
Ed Walters: When's the last time *you* said Wahoo?
Catherine Boyd: Well I'm *sure* I don't know.
Ed Walters: ...nuclear configuration, is given given by the expectation value of the nuclear Hamiltonian of the state of n neutrons and n protons. Reaction will occur if the energy of the fused state is lower than the energy of the two separate nuclei.
Ed Walters: Go on. Go on.
Ed Walters: Our task is to see if the dynamics dictated by the interaction Hamiltonian generates a sufficiently rapid reaction to make cold fusion powered engines feasible.
James Moreland: [referring to Ed] I mean, it's not as if he has never shown signs of *normal* intelligence.
Catherine Boyd: Think of that! Nuclear fusion.
James Moreland: I suppose these things happen. Idiot-savant, you know. A mental patient plays perfect chess. A nine year old from Alabama suddenly starts speaking in iambic pentameter...

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