A nice guy has just moved to New York and discovers that he must share his run-down apartment with a couple thousand singing, dancing cockroaches.

Roaches: Welcome to Joe's apartment, it's our apartment too/We've been around for a hundred billion years and we'll be here long after you!/(ba ba ba ba ba)/Let's go to our place it's a great big space it's where I wanna be/Where friends all meet and life is sweet cuz everything's for free/It's the joint, it's a gas/It's a big fat boot in the ass (kick your ass)/Let's toast raise your glass here's to Joe! A man with class!/(burp) Sooooo... hello from Joe's apartment you're gonna love the view/It's the nest that beats the rest/We're so glad that you're our guest/Come on in we're all undressed! (whistle) Joe's apartment we welcome you!
Roaches: So long from Joe's apartment, we're sad to see you go/Thanks for coming it's been swell/Check back into our motel/Hope you didn't mind the smell!/Joe's apartment our home sweet home!
Rodney Roach: Well, you know, we've gotta get Lily back, too.
Ralph Roach: Forget that. I'm a cockroach, not Santy Claus.
Roaches: Funky Towel, towel's got the funk/Funky towel, towel's got the funk!
[Walter Shit, performance artist, has been lying in a pool of blood]
Walter Shit: I wanted to express how cold, how pitiless this city really is.
Joe: Nobody touched you for two days?
Walter Shit: Spitting doesn't count.
[Joe finds a man lying in a pool of blood]
Joe: Oh, my god! Mister, are you alright?
Walter Shit: Two days, seven hours, twenty-three minutes and four seconds. That's how long I've been lying here.
Joe: Are you O.K.?
Walter Shit: 'Course not! I'm an artist!
Rodney Roach: Ralphie! I'm surprised at you! Does this mean you're giving up?
Ralph Roach: Give up? Give up? What are you saying to me? How come us roaches have been able to outlast the dinosaurs? How do we survive poison and persecution? How do we keep on crawling, in the face of overwhelming odds? I'll tell you how: because WE NEVER GIVE UP! A true cockroach never gives up. They can stomp us, they can pop us, but they'll never ever stop us. Someday the great H-bomb is gonna drop, and we'll have the whole planet to ourselves. I don't care if we gotta call in favors from every roach, rat, and pigeon in New York City. WE AIN'T GIVING UP ON JOE!
Ralph Roach: Talk? We can sing!
Roaches: Garbage, garbage, garbage, garbage, garbage! / The garbage in the moonlight gives off a lovely smell - lovely smell / Sipping sewage with my baby in our little roach motel - please don't tell / zum zum zuma zum zum zum / doot de doot doot doot de doo doot de doot doot doot de doo doot de doot doot doot de doo doot de doot doot doodly doo / Take an ocean trip on our garbage ship with the cockroach I adore / We'll take a taste of the medical waste that washes up on shore / Oh sweetheart say you love me and crawl underneath my rug / You're one in a thousand billion baby - oh won't you be / My Bug! - won't you be my bug? / Please be my bug.
Walter Shit: Oh my God! Joe, It's your mother... and she's dead!
Walter Shit: Congratulate me! This is my first work to use paint! I call it instant minority. I did the whole block!
Joe: But people are black or white, not purple.
Walter Shit: Periwinkle. It's periwinkle!
Lily Dougherty: The lot is completely planted, the, the community is behind it and the flowers just starting to bloom and now all I have to do is show it to my father and show him something good can still come outta the neighborhood and it's worth saving...
Joe: Do-you-wanna-come-over-to-my-place?
[a coach races by, splashing them with mud]
Joe: I've... got a towel you could use.
Blank: [shouting in slow motion] COFFEE BREAK!
Ralph Roach: We know where you live. We LIVE where you live!
Roaches: [singing] Welcome to Joey's toilet!

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