Kramer vs. Kramer Quotes
Ted Kramer's wife leaves her husband, allowing for a lost bond to be rediscovered between Ted and his son, Billy. But a heated custody battle ensues over the divorced couple's son, deepening the wounds left by the separation.
Billy Kramer: Daddy?
Ted Kramer: Yeah?
Billy Kramer: I'm sorry.
Ted Kramer: I'm sorry too. I want you to go to sleep because it's really late.
Billy Kramer: Daddy?
Ted Kramer: Now what is it?
Billy Kramer: Are you going away?
Ted Kramer: No. I'm staying here with you. You can't get rid of me that easy.
Billy Kramer: That's why Mommy left, isn't it? Because I was bad?
Ted Kramer: Is that what you think? No. That's not it, Billy. Your mom loves you very much... and the reason she left has nothing to do with you. I don't know if this will make sense, but I'll try to explain it to you. I think the reason why Mommy left... was because for a long time... I kept trying to make her be a certain kind of person. A certain kind of wife that I thought she was supposed to be. And she just wasn't like that. She was... She just wasn't like that. I think that she tried for so long to make me happy... and when she couldn't, she tried to talk to me about it. But I wasn't listening. I was too busy, too wrapped up... just thinking about myself. And I thought that anytime I was happy, she was happy. But I think underneath she was very sad. Mommy stayed here longer than she wanted because she loves you so much. And the reason why Mommy couldn't stay anymore... was because she couldn't stand me. She didn't leave because of you. She left because of me. Go to sleep now because it's really late, okay? Good night. Sleep tight.
Billy Kramer: Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Ted Kramer: See you in the morning light.
Billy Kramer: Daddy?
Ted Kramer: Yeah?
Billy Kramer: I love you.
Ted Kramer: I love you too.
Ted Kramer: Yeah?
Billy Kramer: I'm sorry.
Ted Kramer: I'm sorry too. I want you to go to sleep because it's really late.
Billy Kramer: Daddy?
Ted Kramer: Now what is it?
Billy Kramer: Are you going away?
Ted Kramer: No. I'm staying here with you. You can't get rid of me that easy.
Billy Kramer: That's why Mommy left, isn't it? Because I was bad?
Ted Kramer: Is that what you think? No. That's not it, Billy. Your mom loves you very much... and the reason she left has nothing to do with you. I don't know if this will make sense, but I'll try to explain it to you. I think the reason why Mommy left... was because for a long time... I kept trying to make her be a certain kind of person. A certain kind of wife that I thought she was supposed to be. And she just wasn't like that. She was... She just wasn't like that. I think that she tried for so long to make me happy... and when she couldn't, she tried to talk to me about it. But I wasn't listening. I was too busy, too wrapped up... just thinking about myself. And I thought that anytime I was happy, she was happy. But I think underneath she was very sad. Mommy stayed here longer than she wanted because she loves you so much. And the reason why Mommy couldn't stay anymore... was because she couldn't stand me. She didn't leave because of you. She left because of me. Go to sleep now because it's really late, okay? Good night. Sleep tight.
Billy Kramer: Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Ted Kramer: See you in the morning light.
Billy Kramer: Daddy?
Ted Kramer: Yeah?
Billy Kramer: I love you.
Ted Kramer: I love you too.
Ted Kramer: [while Billy brings ice cream to the table] You go right back and put that right back until you finish your dinner... I'm warning you, you take one bite out of that and you are in big trouble. Don't... Hey! Don't you dare... Don't you DARE do that. You hear me? Hold it right there! You put that ice cream in your mouth and you are in very, very, VERY big trouble. Don't you dare go anywhere beyond that... Put it down right now. I am not going to say it again. I am NOT going to say it AGAIN.
[Billy eats ice cream]
Billy Kramer: [Ted picks him up] Ow! You're hurting me!
Ted Kramer: OW! Don't you kick me!
Billy Kramer: I hate you!
Ted Kramer: You're no bargain either, pal! You are a spoiled, rotten little brat and I'll tell you right now...
Billy Kramer: I hate you!
Ted Kramer: And I hate you back, you little shit!
Billy Kramer: I want my mommy!
Ted Kramer: I'm all you got.
[Billy eats ice cream]
Billy Kramer: [Ted picks him up] Ow! You're hurting me!
Ted Kramer: OW! Don't you kick me!
Billy Kramer: I hate you!
Ted Kramer: You're no bargain either, pal! You are a spoiled, rotten little brat and I'll tell you right now...
Billy Kramer: I hate you!
Ted Kramer: And I hate you back, you little shit!
Billy Kramer: I want my mommy!
Ted Kramer: I'm all you got.
[Phyllis comes out of the bedroom, sees Billy and screams]
Billy Kramer: Hi.
Phyllis Bernard: Hi.
Billy Kramer: What's your name?
Phyllis Bernard: I'm Phyllis Bernard.
Billy Kramer: Who?
Phyllis Bernard: I'm a friend... uh, business associate of your father's... dad.
Ted Kramer: [in the bedroom] Oh, Jesus.
Billy Kramer: Do you like fried chicken?
Phyllis Bernard: Fried chicken? Very much.
Billy Kramer: So do I.
Phyllis Bernard: Uhm... well, it's really... It's been nice seeing you and...
Billy Kramer: Bye.
Phyllis Bernard: Bye.
[comes back to the bedroom]
Phyllis Bernard: Kramer, I just met your son.
Billy Kramer: Hi.
Phyllis Bernard: Hi.
Billy Kramer: What's your name?
Phyllis Bernard: I'm Phyllis Bernard.
Billy Kramer: Who?
Phyllis Bernard: I'm a friend... uh, business associate of your father's... dad.
Ted Kramer: [in the bedroom] Oh, Jesus.
Billy Kramer: Do you like fried chicken?
Phyllis Bernard: Fried chicken? Very much.
Billy Kramer: So do I.
Phyllis Bernard: Uhm... well, it's really... It's been nice seeing you and...
Billy Kramer: Bye.
Phyllis Bernard: Bye.
[comes back to the bedroom]
Phyllis Bernard: Kramer, I just met your son.
[Ted is having lunch with his boss]
Ted Kramer: So the other morning, I'm at the refrigerator... you know, getting Billy ready for school. So I'm just in my underwear and he notices I've lost weight. And he comes in and pats me. He comes up to here
[touches his stomach]
Ted Kramer: , and he says "Daddy, you've really lost a lot of weight", he looks up at me and he says "And it's all gone to your nose."
[laughs]
Ted Kramer: He was so cute. You know?
Ted Kramer: So the other morning, I'm at the refrigerator... you know, getting Billy ready for school. So I'm just in my underwear and he notices I've lost weight. And he comes in and pats me. He comes up to here
[touches his stomach]
Ted Kramer: , and he says "Daddy, you've really lost a lot of weight", he looks up at me and he says "And it's all gone to your nose."
[laughs]
Ted Kramer: He was so cute. You know?
Billy Kramer: Who's gonna read me my bedtime stories?
Ted Kramer: Mommy will.
Billy Kramer: You're not gonna kiss me good night anymore, are you, Dad?
Ted Kramer: No, I won't be able to do that. But, you know, I get to visit. It's gonna be ok, really.
Billy Kramer: [crying] If I don't like it, can I come home?
Ted Kramer: What do you mean if you don't like it? You're gonna have a great time with Mommy. Really. She loves you so much.
Billy Kramer: Dad? Don't forget, once, if you can just call me up, okay?
Ted Kramer: We're gonna be okay. Come on, let's go get some ice cream.
Ted Kramer: Mommy will.
Billy Kramer: You're not gonna kiss me good night anymore, are you, Dad?
Ted Kramer: No, I won't be able to do that. But, you know, I get to visit. It's gonna be ok, really.
Billy Kramer: [crying] If I don't like it, can I come home?
Ted Kramer: What do you mean if you don't like it? You're gonna have a great time with Mommy. Really. She loves you so much.
Billy Kramer: Dad? Don't forget, once, if you can just call me up, okay?
Ted Kramer: We're gonna be okay. Come on, let's go get some ice cream.
Ted Kramer: Margaret, I just need to know something. Did you put Joanna up to this?
Margaret Phelps: No, I did not put Joanna up to this.
Ted Kramer: Give her a little pep talk, maybe?
Margaret Phelps: Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot of courage to walk out this door.
Ted Kramer: How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?
Margaret Phelps: No, I did not put Joanna up to this.
Ted Kramer: Give her a little pep talk, maybe?
Margaret Phelps: Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot of courage to walk out this door.
Ted Kramer: How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?
[Joanna is crying]
Ted Kramer: Hi, what's up? Tell me. What? What's the matter?
Joanna Kramer: I woke up this morning, kept thinking about Billy and I was thinking about him waking up in his room with his little clouds all around that I painted and I thought I should have painted clouds downtown because then he would think that he was waking up at home. I came here to take my son home. And I realized he already is home.
Ted Kramer: Hi, what's up? Tell me. What? What's the matter?
Joanna Kramer: I woke up this morning, kept thinking about Billy and I was thinking about him waking up in his room with his little clouds all around that I painted and I thought I should have painted clouds downtown because then he would think that he was waking up at home. I came here to take my son home. And I realized he already is home.
[Ted and Billy are having dinner]
Ted Kramer: How was school today?
Billy Kramer: Same as usual.
Ted Kramer: Hey, I see the Knicks finally won a game, what do you know?
Billy Kramer: I don't care.
Ted Kramer: What do you mean?
Billy Kramer: I like Boston.
Ted Kramer: Boston? Why do you like Boston?
Billy Kramer: 'Cause Mommy's from Boston.
Ted Kramer: How was school today?
Billy Kramer: Same as usual.
Ted Kramer: Hey, I see the Knicks finally won a game, what do you know?
Billy Kramer: I don't care.
Ted Kramer: What do you mean?
Billy Kramer: I like Boston.
Ted Kramer: Boston? Why do you like Boston?
Billy Kramer: 'Cause Mommy's from Boston.
[Joanna is leaving Ted]
Ted Kramer: Come on now, what about Billy?
Joanna Kramer: I'm not taking him with me. I'm no good for him. I'm terrible with him. I have no patience. He's better off without me.
Ted Kramer: Joanna, please.
Joanna Kramer: And I don't love you anymore.
Ted Kramer: Where are you going?
Joanna Kramer: I don't know.
Ted Kramer: Come on now, what about Billy?
Joanna Kramer: I'm not taking him with me. I'm no good for him. I'm terrible with him. I have no patience. He's better off without me.
Ted Kramer: Joanna, please.
Joanna Kramer: And I don't love you anymore.
Ted Kramer: Where are you going?
Joanna Kramer: I don't know.
Billy Kramer: When's Mommy coming back?
Ted Kramer: I dont know, Billy. Soon.
Billy Kramer: How soon?
Ted Kramer: Soon.
Billy Kramer: Will she pick me up after school?
Ted Kramer: Probably. And if she doesn't I will.
Billy Kramer: What if you forget?
Ted Kramer: I won't forget.
Billy Kramer: What if you get run over by a truck and get killed?
Ted Kramer: Then Mommy will pick you up.
Ted Kramer: I dont know, Billy. Soon.
Billy Kramer: How soon?
Ted Kramer: Soon.
Billy Kramer: Will she pick me up after school?
Ted Kramer: Probably. And if she doesn't I will.
Billy Kramer: What if you forget?
Ted Kramer: I won't forget.
Billy Kramer: What if you get run over by a truck and get killed?
Ted Kramer: Then Mommy will pick you up.
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