Aging baseball star who goes by the nickname, Mr. 3000, finds out many years after retirement that he didn't quite reach 3,000 hits. Now at age 47 he's back to try and reach that goal.

[Stan is in a commerical]
Stan: You don't like me because I sign autographs.
[hits a baseball]
Stan: You don't like me because I tell you what's on my mind.
[Hits another baseball]
Stan: But you love me because I am the greatest hitters alive!
[swings a few more hits]
Tom Arnold: Hey, we're sorry about all that stuff we said before you hit that homer...
Stan: Yeah, you wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for Roseanne.
Gus Panas: That man was safe!
Minadeo: Stan Ross! You're batting 8th!
Stan: 8th! That's for banjo hitters. I never batted lower than 5th in my life.
Fukuda: You bat there now, you son of my dick.
Stan: Pitch to me!
Norton: Reach out there and get it.
Big Horse Borelli: You know, a lot of people said that Stan only looked out for himself, that he wasn't a team player. But I'm here to tell you, if you get 3000 hits, you don't have to be a team player. If you have a lifetime .314 average, you don't have to be a good guy. If you lead the league in batting for three years, you can be the biggest jerk in the world!
Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker: When you get a base hit in this millennium, then you can come on down there, and talk to me.
Stan: Stan, you're going to be the best looking cat in the Hall of Fame, that's for dog gone sure.
Norton: Hey Ross, why don't you just go sit on the bench? You're not getting this hit off of me. Deal with it!

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