A comet wipes out most of life on Earth, leaving two Valley Girls to fight the evil types who survive.

Samantha: Nice car.
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Thanks, I have 23 of them.
Dr. Carter, Project Chief: Are you pregnant?
Regina Belmont: No. Thought I was once.
Dr. Carter, Project Chief: That's not important.
Regina Belmont: Longest three weeks of my life.
[after shooting one of his friends]
Regina Belmont: You're crazy!
Willy: I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck.
[When her MAC-10 jams while target shooting]
Samantha: Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.
Regina Belmont: C'mon Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives.
Regina Belmont: That's the end of you, DMK! You're history!
Stock Boy: Attention K-mart shoppers!
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: [Danny stops next to Samantha after he almost hit her with his Mercedes convertible] Gawd, I'm sorry but you shouldn't cross against the light like that. Hey, you guys are survivors too, huh?
Samantha: [looks upward and mouths] thank you
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: What?
Samantha: Nothing. Great car!
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: thanks, I have 23 of em', you want to go for a ride?
Samantha: More than you know.
Hector Gomez: [to Regina] We don't know anything about this guy. Where's he from? What's his name?
Samantha: What's your name?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Danny Mason Keener.
Samantha: [to the others] Danny Mason Keener, ok?
Regina Belmont: Yeah, alright, well, just be back by midnight, ok?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Midnight?
Samantha: The burden of civilization is on us, ok?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Oh yeah. Bitchin', isn't it?
[last lines]
Samantha: You're not gonna blame me because the phone went dead. I'm not the phone company. Nobody's the phone company anymore!
Davenport: [coaxing the children for a shot] You'll just fall asleep and then you'll see Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Brian, Survivor Child: I don't believe in Santa Claus.
Dr. Carter, Project Chief: What? You don't believe in Santa?
Hector Gomez: [Yelling at think tank zombies] Think tank, huh?
[Flipping them off]
Hector Gomez: Think on this!
Larry: If he calls, you tell him that I'm on my way down there and that I'm very, very, very, very pissed!
Regina Belmont: What about my fifteen bucks?
Larry: Tell him you're pissed, too!
Willy: If bachlorette number one isn't out here in half a tick I'm gonna ice bachlorette number two, got it?
[the Monster jumps out from the Alley]
Regina Belmont: Whoa... what is this, trick or treat?
Monster in Alley: Come here!
Regina Belmont: Wh-what?
Monster in Alley: COME HERE!
Regina Belmont: "Come here" your ass!
Regina Belmont: [running to Hector's car] Come on kids!
Hector Gomez: Who are the kids?
Brian, Survivor Child: I'm Brian!
Sarah: I'm Sarah!
Regina Belmont: Yeah, and I'm aunt Reg, and that's aunt Sam, and that's uncle Hector.
Sarah: Can I have my bunny?
Regina Belmont: In a minute! Beat feet uncle Hector.
Hector Gomez: Uncle Hector?
Sarah: Hey, it's MY bunny you know.
Samantha: [calling across the street to the others after Regina pushes the crosswalk button] What are you waiting for?
Hector Gomez: We're waiting for the light to change.
Regina Belmont: We DO NOT cross against the light!
Samantha: [looks at the red crosswalk light] Are you nuts, auntie Regina?
Regina Belmont: [sighs] You may as well face the facts Samantha. The whole burden of civilization has fallen upon us.
Samantha: What's that supposed to mean?
Regina Belmont: It MEANS we do not cross against the light!
Samantha: [walks out into the street] That's totally stupid, there's nobody here! See, we're talking ghost town!
Regina Belmont: [a convertible comes speeding around the corner, Samantha jumps out of the way to avoid getting hit, Regina says to Brian] See what happens?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: [the convertible turns around and comes to a stop by Samantha] Gawd, I'm sorry but you shouldn't cross against the light like that.
Samantha: Doris, Reggie's on the phone.
Doris Belmont: She's not having car trouble?
Samantha: She's going to be out all night with her science class at the observatory. I know all about it.
Regina Belmont: Yeah. Hi, Doris.
Doris Belmont: What's this about a science class, Regina?
Regina Belmont: Well, you want me to do better in science don't you?
Doris Belmont: I want you home in 5 minutes after you finish work. If you want to watch the comet you can do it here.
Regina Belmont: Look, Doris. Like, I'm 18 okay? And I can watch the comet where ever I want to watch the comet.
Mel: I want you to take this flashlight and walk the house.
Regina Belmont: But Mel, they throw things at me!
Mel: I don't want those weirdos ripping up the seats.
Regina Belmont: Have you ever been hit with Dots? Milk Duds? Those things hurt you know.
Mel: Take flashlight. Walk house. Now!
Sarah: I don't know, my parents told me never to breathe anything from strangers.
Party Guest: In 1910, Halley's Comet Returned. Everyone thought they were going to die then.
Samantha: They're around.
Regina Belmont: They're not around.
Samantha: Look, if you're trying to scare me, you're doing it okay?
Regina Belmont: I'm not trying to scare you.
Samantha: Then stop it!
Regina Belmont: I'm not doing it! You try calling someone. Not just your pep squad. Anyone. Nobody's home!
Regina Belmont: [sitting on police car] What are you going to do when your complexion freaks out? Dermatologist is dead, ya know?
Samantha: I know, and I'm getting a rash or something too.
Regina Belmont: Oh, God! You and your rashes!
Samantha: Hey, I'm sorry if the end of the world makes me a little nervous.
Regina Belmont: Do you have your MasterCard on you?
Samantha: No.
Regina Belmont: Good, because you don't need it. THE STORES ARE OPEN!
Guard #2: She's dead.
Hector Gomez: Hell, she ain't dead. This doctor shot her up with sodium pentothal to make this fellow think she was dead. So you wouldn't suck the blood outta her, you bastard.
Regina Belmont: DMK? Who the hell is DMK?
[the Monster Kid smashes his way through the door with his fists]
Hector Gomez: Geez! There goes the neighborhood.
Willy: Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.
Sarah: [to the scientist who want her to breathe nitrous oxide] I don't know, my parents told me never to breathe anything from strangers.
Regina Belmont: [Regina comes in to rescue the kids with a revolver] Hey, get your hands up.
[the scientists and kids raise their hands and Regina picks up the toy bunny Sarah dropped]
Regina Belmont: What are you guys doing?
Sarah: They said if we breathe this, we can go to the North Pole to see Santa Clause.
Regina Belmont: That's so sick!
Samantha: [Samantha appears out of nowhere] Hey!
[Regina turns and fires at the voice, Samantha narrowly ducks and avoids the shot]
Samantha: Holy shit!
Brian, Survivor Child: Whoa.
Regina Belmont: Sam?
Samantha: [with her hands up] I give, I give.
Regina Belmont: They said you were dead!
Samantha: [with a triumphant smile] They were exaggerating totally.
Samantha: You were born with an asshole, Doris, you don't need Chuck.
Willy: You wouldn't believe what we want from you. In your worst nightmare you wouldn't believe.
Samantha: [with mock sincerity] The burden of civilization is upon us...
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Ohhh.
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Bitchin', isn't it?
Regina Belmont: Have you ever been hit with Dots, Mel? Milk Duds? Those things hurt!
Dr. Carter, Project Chief: Have you ever had hepatitis?
Regina Belmont: No. I had "mono" once though.
Samantha: I just had it out with Doris once and for all again.
Samantha: So you guys are geniuses?
Audrey: Yeah - or we thought we were.
Samantha: We had a couple of geniuses at school...
Samantha: ...they're both wimps.
[Passes out]

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