The turtles find themselves transported back in time to ancient Japan.

Leonardo: Michaelangelo why are you wearing boxer shorts?
Michaelangelo: So that the guy who arrives in my place doesn't arrive bare butt naked.
Lord Norinaga: You have come back.
Leonardo: Yeah, we like to drop in about every three or four centuries.
Donatello: I think I swallowed a frog. I hope it wasn't an ancestor.
Donatello: If we don't come back in two-and-a-half days, we're turtle soup.
Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael: Whoa!
Michaelangelo: Bummer.
Donatello: [gets up and looks around] Mudwrestling is defintely a spectator sport... Gross.
[picks up his helmet and pours out mud]
Donatello: Grosser. April? Yo!
April: Here! Help me up.
[splashes mud at Donatello]
Donatello: Whoa, alright I'm comin'. A little mud, no problem.
[picks up April out of the mud but slips and falls on his back]
Donatello: Wait, wait.
April: This is the worst rescue I've ever had.
Donatello: Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!
[April picks Donny up]
Donatello: Thanks.
April: We better get out of here.
Donatello: Think of it the bright side, April. We could've landed in a great, big, greasy pile of...
April: Don't even say it, Donny.
Whit: Take me with you.
April: Where? New York? Nahh, you wouldn't fit in. I mean, uh,
[takes in his grungy appearance]
April: well, actually you *would* fit in.
Michaelangelo: I don't think I'll ever laugh again.
Splinter: Hmmm... Yo, Dude!
Michaelangelo: Huh?
Splinter: [suddenly wearing a Hawaiian hat] Hee hee hee hee hee...
Michaelangelo: Oh... Yo, dude!
[laughs]
Splinter: Just like Elvis in Blue Hawaii. Uh-huh-huh! I saw it on cable.
Michaelangelo: [continues laughing]
Michaelangelo: [after bursting from a building engulfed in flames] Kurt Russell, eat your heart out!
Leonardo: Hey, Tinkerbell. Why don't *you* shoot us?
Raphael: Fightin's for grown-ups, and that's only if you got no other choice.
Donatello: You were expecting maybe the Addams Family?
Michaelangelo: [recovering] My legs hurt. My arms hurt. My spots hurt. Even my bandana hurts.
Walker: Did you really think I'd make it that easy, you *nasty* little reptiles?
Michaelangelo: Hey, dudes, check it out! We're in *Shogun*!
Leonardo: Hey! Where's Mikey?
Donatello: Last time I saw him, he was doing this: AhAhAhAhAhhhh!
Casey Jones: Bet you guys feel lucky to be going back, right?
Benkei: We're lucky. We're going back.
Guards in unison: Not!
[slap high fives]
Casey Jones: This is really gonna screw up history.
Michaelangelo: [to Walker] Hey, buddy, don't you know that Westerns are dead?
Walker: Speaking of dead.
[aims pistol at Michaelangelo]
Michaelangelo: Uh what I meant was they're not all dead. Like Clint. You look alot like Clint!
Raphael: Hey, Kid, you gotta control that temper. Did I say that?
April: I'm going to find an apartment. I have an idea we're going to be here for a long time.
Leonardo: An apartment?
Michaelangelo: Do they have apartments in Japan?
Raphael: Do I look like a real estate agent?
Leonardo: What about condos?
Donatello: Do you think I could *possibly* live without a single microchip?
April: This is absolutely the worst rescue I have ever had!
Michaelangelo: But, I want to stay here... with you.
Mitsu: You will always be here with me, Michaelangelo.
Donatello: Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up!
Donatello: Gee, if we die here in the past, does that mean that we don't get born in the future?
Raphael: Hey, it?s wet-willy time.
Whit: Wet-wadum?
[upon realizing they are being watched by a couple of Japanese Honor guards]
Donatello: Uh, ohayou, wasabi.
Raphael: Hello, mustard?
Donatello: OK, so my Japanese is a little rusty. Uh, Suzuki, Kawasaki...
Raphael: [knocks them out cold] How 'bout, uh, sayonara?
Donatello: [April trims the leg part of her uniform] Whoa, leg-o-rama!
April: Hey, I'm allowed. It's my vacation.
Donatello, Leonardo: Absolutely! Shwing!
Kenshin: We wait 400 years, and this *Casey* is still late.
Michaelangelo: [about a horse he is riding backwards] Don't these things ever run out of gas?
Splinter: Put down your sword, Kenshin. They are not enemies. Only lost warriors, like yourself.
Niles: Give us a kiss, dumplin', while you still got your lips.
[April makes a retching noise]
Niles: Oh, you're not the first one that do that to me.
Raphael: Maybe this means the village people won't be afraid of us anymore.
[the villagers bow]
Donatello: Well, it's a start.
Raphael: Ahh, nature. I *love* it. Makes me want to, I don't know, migrate or something.
Splinter: There must have been a battle.
Casey Jones: I knew it, I'm missing all the fun.
Donatello: See guys, for every one of us that goes back, someone from the past will come here. But, the problem is, that switch will only work under one condition. You know what that is?
Leonardo: Tuesdays?
Leonardo: We're turtles, friend!
Donatello: Of the teenage mutant ninja variety, Sleezeball!
Michaelangelo: What if we make a major u-turn and wind up in Godzilla-Land?
Raphael: Did you hear what he called me, Leo?
Leonardo: Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
[casually walks away]
Raphael: That was an insult, Leo.
Donatello: Not necessarily, Raph. Did you know that in some countries dung is used as a fuel source?
Kenshin: It will only work if the magic travellers each have the same weight.
Donatello: Bingo! Gee, you guys *do* have a good educational system, don't you?
Casey Jones: Hey, guys! So, when do we get together and bust some skulls?
Leonardo: Hang on, Casey, you're not gonna be doing any head breaking this time, pal, sorry.
Casey Jones: What was that? You wanna run that by me again?
Raphael: We need someone to remain here to make sure the time bandit here doesn't get out of hand.
Casey Jones: Gotcha.
Michaelangelo: [to Kenshin] How did you get in April's pants?
Walker: Excuse me, Niles. Shouldn't you be trying to scare somebody?
April: Why don't you get a *real* job, cue ball?
Walker: Who's your tailor?
Michaelangelo: We're naked.
[Walker enters melodramatically]
Raphael: Well, if it ain't the Phantom of the Opera.
Michaelangelo: Oh, he who dings the shell must *pay.*
Walker: You're turtles?
Donatello: Yeah, of the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety.
Leonardo: Why are you wearing boxer shorts?
Michaelangelo: So that the guy who comes in my place doesn't wind up bare-butt naked.
Raphael: Son of a snapper!
April: [about Whit] He is lower than scum! He gives scum a bad name.
Walker: Of course he does, that's why I hired him.
Leonardo: Boy, do I hate spinach.
Donatello: Wow. Bungee jumping without a bungee. That could be dangerous.
Raphael: I don't kiss on the first date, lady.
Leonardo: Raph! Give your mouth a rest!
Walker: My cannons can destroy these demons. You can rewrite history.
Lord Norinaga: No!
[stalks out of room]
Walker: I can rewrite *you.*
Michaelangelo: Who's trapped inside?
Leo: Lord Norinaga!
Donatello: Lord Norinaga?
[hits the bell with his Bo staff]
Donatello: Name rings a bell.
Casey Jones: What do you say we get together and bust some skulls?
Raphael: And no April.
Walker: [to his prisoners] Really don't have time for any of these social pleasantries, I'm afraid.
[to his men]
Walker: Shoot them.
Leonardo: Hey! Where'd we get these clothes?
Lord Norinaga: How did you capture such a woman?
Walker: Same way you capture any wild animal. By setting a trap.
Casey Jones: [leaning on baseball bat, to Raphael] Hey Raph, how'd your brain implant go, good?
Lord Norinaga: Secrets leak like a stink from a dead pig!
Walker: You certainly can turn a phrase.
April: Would somebody please tell me what the heck is going on around here?
Donatello: Well, relax, April. It's just your, uh, ordinary time travel equal-mass-displacement kind of thing.
Michaelangelo: Miaow, dude.
Raphael: We've been here for five minutes and we already lost one brother, the magic scepter.
Michaelangelo: Man, I love being a turtle.
Donatello: Turtles don't migrate, Raph. Birds do!
Raphael: Hey, I got a beak, don't I?
Lord Norinaga: Go ahead. Finish me.
Leo: Okay.
[forms his two swords like scissors and cuts off Norinaga's hair]
Leo: There. Short enough for you?
Leonardo: Fight's over, we're closed.
Donatello: Smells like a geek ran through here.
Whit: I think she's telling the truth.
Walker: Really? Well, I don't pay you to think, do I? I pay you to lie, cheat, and steal.
Raphael: Here they are. The three stooges.
Donatello: Yeah, Larry, Curly, and Moe.
Michaelangelo: Sorry about the crack about the bad vibes. You've got *great* vibes.
Michaelangelo: Turtles: It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
[preparing to jump into a burning building]
Michaelangelo: I don't think I'm cut out for this hero stuff.
[Michaelangelo shows a villager how to make pizza]
Michaelangelo: We've got a, uh
[sniffs]
Michaelangelo: Ahhh. Pi-zza. Got that, dude? Pizza!
[takes a bite, makes a face]
Michaelangelo: Frisbee. Also cool.
[throws it]
Mitsu: We will both die, but only one of us with honor.
[she and Lord Norinaga both draw weapons]
Leonardo: Are we outta the loop here, or what?
Donatello: Yeah.
Casey Jones: Enough of this camaraderie. When do we get to bust some skulls?
Walker: So they've gone missing. I mean, war does have a habit of doing that to people.
[landing face first in a shallow pond]
Donatello: Mud wrestling is definitely a spectator sport.
April O'Neill: You don't mean - you're not seriously suggesting that Donatello is going to make an incredibly arcane time travel machine, are you?
Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Donatello: No, of course not!
Michaelangelo: That'd be totally bogus.
Raphael: Really stupid!
Donatello: Well, that's a relief.
Donatello: [points over his shoulder] No, that guy's gonna make it.
Michaelangelo: Do you think they had pizza back then?
Walker: Love to stay and chat, but places to go and people to kill.
Michaelangelo: Uh-oh, turtle tantrum.
Donatello: Our dignity.

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