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Will and Grace live together in an apartment in New York. He's a gay lawyer, she's a straight interior designer.
Karen: [on hiring Jack to play a straight man in a commercial] No one in the world would believe you're straight. You're as gay as a clutchpurse on Tony night. You fell outta the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down. And ya landed on a gay guy... and ya did 'em. No, no, honey, your gayness can be seen from space.
Jack: We'll rent a movie. You're into gay porn, right? Grace: Who isn't?
Jack: My ride is here. It looks like a huff. I think I'll leave in it.
Grace: What you're feeling are pangs of guilt. Karen: What? Grace: Guilt. Oh, boy. Ok. How am I gonna explain this one? Uh... guilt is an emotion that - Ok. Jumping ahead. An emotion is something that... Karen: Hey, hey, hey. Come on. I know what guilt is. It's one of those touchy-feely words that people throw around that don't really mean anything... You know, like "maternal" or "addiction."
Cheryl: Mrs. Walker? Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg, Taylor and Hayden's mom. Karen: I have no idea what you just said.
[while watching basketball on TV] Grace: Have you seen Matt yet? Will: Yeah, he's right there, right on the sidelines. Just four clicks left of Spike Lee. Just right beside that little girl and her grandpa. Jack: Uh, that's Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas.
Will: No, no. I don't want to have sex with you. Jack: Oh, Will that wasn't sex. Okay, how do I explain this? Okay, when a man and a man love each other very much... Will: No, no... Psychic Sue said I was going to spend the rest of my life with a guy named Jack. Jack: Jack who? Will: Jack you. Jack: Jack me? Will: No thanks.
Jack: I fooled around with Josh. Grace: What? Jack: Remember when I told you that there was something about Josh that I couldn't put my finger on? Well, I put my finger in it. Will: There was a saying on the island. Mana Na Kalaka. Kana Makalui. Grace: What does that mean? Will: I don't know. I just can't believe you ended up with another gay guy.
Karen: Oh Minnie Driver, who ever told you, you could pull off a leather jumpsuit?
[Lyle walks in] Lyle Finster: There she is, the woman who set my heart on fire. [Karen rolls her eyes] Lyle Finster: Which is a nice change, since the women I'm usually with cause a burning feeling in an altogether different area. Karen: Get lost, David Cop-a-feel. Just because we once made out like drunk straight girls at a frat party, doesn't mean you're wanted here. Grace: [to Lyle] Hi. Welcome to my office. And we usually reserve this kind of talk for casual sex Friday. Lyle Finster: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. Lyle Finster. Grace: Finster? Oh my God. You're Lorraine's father. You tricked Karen into kissing you. Karen: That's right. And it ain't never gonna happen again. No, sir. Not on my watch. Lyle Finster: I understand. But I only came here to return the kiss that you left on my lips. Karen: What? Give it back! [Karen jumps on Lyle and they start making out and growling] Grace: If you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna go in the back and gouge out my eyes and puncture my eardrums. Karen: Oh, no, honey, stay. I was just taking back my - [realizes] Karen: Hey! Lyle Finster: Karen, I'm lost without you. I've tried to fill the void with secretaries and whores, but at the end of the hour, it's you I wish I was paying. Grace: Really, I'm uncomfortable. Karen: It's never gonna happen between us, Lyle. So beat it. Lyle Finster: Very well. But I'll never forget you. Every mouth that I kiss will be your mouth. Every bottom that I slap will be your bottom. Every nipple that I tweak... Grace: Please, one of us has to go! Karen: Get out. Lyle Finster: Very well. But know this: Every vagina... Grace: GET OUT!
[Grace and Jack have been seeing Vince at a grocery store with another man, Dennis, and think he's cheating on Will; they don't know that he was fired and now works there, and that Dennis is his boss] Jack: [to Vince] We know what's goin' on. Grace: Yeah, we know your filthy secret. Dennis: Vince, I want your ass in aisle five. [Grace gasps] Dennis: And bring the mop. [Jack gasps] Jack: Oh, my God. What kind of a place is this? And why do I shop anywhere else?
Karen: It's a victimless crime, like tax evasion or public indecency.
Karen: It's a cult, like the Moonies, or the homeless.
Karen: Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?
Karen: [to Gillian the intern] Hi, honey. Sit down! Gillian: What's going on, what's happening, what's this all about? Karen: I've got something tough to tell you. Uh, I'm fabulous, okay? I'm an incredible dresser, I've got buckets of money, I'm a hoot and a half, and I've got a killer rack. Do you get what I'm saying? Gillian: Not really. Karen: Honey, you're not me, and you never will be. Gillian: [pointing to her chest] Is it the rack? Karen: [laughing and shaking her head] "It's a big part of it. Now, you're never going to be me, but, you got a good chance to be Grace, and that's nothing to sneeze at, honey, you shouldn't throw it away so quickly." Gillian: But Grace, she's just not us. Karen: Bup-bupbupbupbupbup, watch your mouth, or I'll wash it out with cheap vodka. That's my little girl you're talking about. Now, Grace is a damn good role model. She's bright, she's successful, she's the worst dresser in the whole wide world, she's talented and I look up to her. Honey, why else would I be here? Gillian: You told me it's because you hate being home with Stan and the kids. Karen: [laughing and shaking her head] It's a big part of it. Gillian: Hey, can I still use the word "honey"? Karen: What? Ohhhhhhhh no.
Karen: Where the hell have you been? Rosario: Riding a llama in Neverland. Where do you think? I was cleaning.
Karen: Wow that may have been the greatest day of my life. I love errands. They're like mini-adventures for undesirables. Liz: Okay so your half of the bill is $30.45 and don't try rounding down like my last roommate cuz that is just f-ed up. Karen: Well you don't have to worry about me Liz, I intend to pull my own weight around here. Liz: Now did you take a look at the chore wheel? Cuz you're in charge of emptying the ant traps and organizing the CD tower. Karen: Wow, how did I go my whole life without ever learning any of those words. Liz: Karen you shouldn't of bought this cheesecake I'm like totally eating healthy this week. Ugh! Cut to me eating this whole cheesecake. Karen: Oh Liz, I love when you do "cut to me". Liz: Everybody does. Karen: [pulling out a jug of wine] Oh Lizzy, I rented us a video Liz: You are gonna get me into so much trouble. Karen: If you're lucky! Liz: You're crazy! Karen: Like a fox! Liz: I doubt it! Karen: You wish! Liz: Don't I ever! Karen: You and what army? [Karen has a huge laugh] Karen: Oh Lizzy.
[a man rushes in to meet Karen] Man: Miss Walker, I came as soon as you called. Karen: Well that's really none of my business, but thanks for sharing.
Grace: Gay sex is *so* hot.
[Jack is angry with Karen] Karen: Hi, poodle. Jack: Mm. How are you? [to Grace] Jack: Hi, Grace. Who's your daddy? Grace: [confused] His name is Martin Adler.
Grace: Pam, did you fax over the drawings to the cabinaker yet? Pam: Right after my smoke break. Grace: I already told you, there is no smoking here. Pam: It is part of my religion. Karen: Smoking in the office... how inappropriate! Hey does anyone mind if I take my boob out for a second? Grace: It's one thing at dinner Karen but work is where I draw the line.
Liz: So I had this apartment to myself for 10 years because I was having an affair with my boss and he paid half the rent so he'd have some place nice to do it. But then he got murdered... and I couldn't really afford it on my own. So what's your story? Karen: Since my marriage ended I've been living at The Palace and even though I've made a lot of swell friends... it's lonely. [Karen tries to pour a soda into a glass without opening it] Karen: I want a real home, with real people. I mean you're real, right? Liz: [Liz opens the soda... Karen looks in awe as she pours the soda] Super real. So, okay, true or false? I'm easy to live with. Karen: Um, true! Liz: False! I'm a nitpicker supreme. I think it comes from all my years as a professional in the music biz. Karen: You're in music? Liz: I didn't want to put it on the ad because you get all these wannabees knocking on the door. I'm an office manager for the company that does those collections that you see on TV. You know "Hits of the 80's", "Ladies of the 80's", "Rock Ballad's of the 80's"... "the 90's". Karen: Well I can see why you'd want to keep that a secret Liz. I mean you must really never know if people are liking you for you or the 80's hits. Liz: You should know that I like things done a certain way, just ask Melissa and Keith. They work under me. Like if they're 5 minutes late for work, I look at my watch, I look at them and they just get it. Oh my God I totally just bragged. Please tell me to shut up... cut to me still talking about myself. Karen: Um, Liz, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I think, that you might be, just about the most interesting person I've ever met... I could learn tons from you. Liz: Okay, okay, true or false... I think you're great? Karen: Um, false. Liz: True! Karen: Oh this game is so hard!
Karen: Oh, coulda shoulda Prada!
[Jack has just seen Karen's enormous closet for the first time] Jack: My God. If my closet were like this I never would have come out of it.
Karen: Honey, I'm too tired to slap you. Bash your face up against my palm. Jack: [rolls eyes and does so]
Karen: Hey Hey Hey Hey, This is a place of business! We are trying to get some work done in here and we don't need you just barging... wait, I'm saying it and I don't even buy it!
[Ellen asked Grace to baby-sit her kids but is now upset because she assumed Will would be there as well and he is out of town and she no longer wants Grace to do it] Ellen: You know what I just realized? Rob's sister can probably do it. She lives closer to us anyway. Grace: Judy? The one who has to turn the lights on 14 times or the oceans will dry up? Karen: Ellen, why would you leave your kids with someone who has such an important job?
Karen: [sympathetically] Oh, Grace... Grace: What? Karen: Nothing, I just thought it needed an "Oh, Grace".
Grace: [to Ellen after Will tells her he's gay] How could I not have known? He was Boy George for Halloween, he has a diffuser on his hairdryer, and he's prettier than me.
Karen: You know, may there is an alligator running around with me as a handbag... I mean who knows what they do with my old skin...
Karen: Husbands come and go but the Chanel slingbacks are for life.
[Karen has just messed up Beverly's pool shot] Beverly Leslie: I would have made that shot. Karen: Aww, tell it to the Marines, if you already haven't.
Jack: Heard that. I am metaphorically curled up in the fetal position and you continue to kick me about the ear, nose, and throat?
Jack: You're so generous. I swear, if you weren't Jewish, you'd definitely go to heaven. Grace: Thanks, Jack. And if you weren't gay, you'd go there too.
Jack: Biggly, biggly, biggly, biggly, biggly, biggly, bog. Mipanko: I win. Jack: Damn. Every time. Grace: What are you doing? Jack: Playing Biggly Bog. Grace: Biggly what? Jack: Bog. It's like Taggly Dip, but with dice.
[Will is walking Grace down the aisle] Will: This may be the wrong time to tell you this, but I'm straight. Grace: Don't make me laugh, I'm being photographed.
Karen: Oh honey, I would, but... I don't want to.
Bill: Jack. You're hitting on me. Jack: I'm shocked. And appalled. But are you interested?
Grace: [right after Will came out] That's not a compliment! A compliment is "You're sexy. You turn me on"! not Not "One look at you and I know I'm queer"!
Karen: [to Grace] Oh Lord, honey, you are just as simple as that blouse you're wearin'.
Jack: So we need to get them back together, but how? Pretend to think, pretend to think. Karen: Pretend to care, pretend to care. Jack: Oh, I've got it. What we need is a plan. Some way to get them in the same room together. Karen: Oh honey, that's genius, write that down. Oh, wait, not on that, that's for Will and Grace, that's an invitation to Joe and Larry's kid's birthday party. Jack: Oh yeah, I got one of these too. Anyway, enough about that. We have to figure out a way to get them in the same room so they can work it out. But how? Ow, I just got a paper cut on this party invitation for Will and Grace. Karen: Focus. We're trying to get them in the same room together. Forget about this party they're both invited to. Now, what do they both like? Jack: Well, Will likes to be taller than everyone, and Grace likes to eat cake. Karen: Where can we take them where there'll be small people eating cake? [takes a sip of wine] Karen: Oh, shoot, I just spilled on this invitation to a child's birthday party. [pauses] Karen: Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Jack: I don't know, are you thinking what it would be like to have Spiderman spray his web on you? Karen: Okay that's just freaky.
Grace: Will, my love for you is like this scar, (points at elbow) ugly, but permanent.
Jack: [gasps] That was you taking my breath away!
[after seeing Karen's mother] Rosario: Santa Maria, it has a mother.
Karen: Honey that is so sweet... no.
[Marion is doing the chicken dance with Lyle at he and Karyn's wedding reception] Marion Finster: Lyle, too bad our father isn't alive to see this! Lyle Finster: ...He isn't? Marion Finster: Oh, damn, I knew there was something I was supposed to tell you.
Karen: [looking into a mirror] Hello Starshine.
Karen: You say potato, I say vodka.
Grace: Tonight I'm gonna be better. I know it. Look, I've been playing with myself and I feel much more confident. Will: Funny, it just makes me feel sleepy.
Grace: [sobbing] I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. And all the people are pigs. And I'm the pretty one, but everyone thinks I'm ugly because they're all pigs and they think pigs are pretty.
Karen: It's the oldest story in the book. Boy meets girl. Boy wants girl to do dominatrix film. Girls says, "Naked?" Boy says, "Yeah." Girl says, "No way." Boy says, "Okay how about you just wear this rubber dress and beat this old guy with a scrub brush?" Girl says, "How hard?"
[Karen is offended because Grace said that she, Karen, could not be trusted as a babysitter] Grace: Look, Karen, I'm sorry, but taking care of children is a huge responsibility. It's more "Tickle Me, Elmo" and less... "Let's fill Elmo up with drugs and smuggle him across the border."
[Will and Jack have bought a place in the country and are now trying to escape their crazy neighbours] Will: Come on, Jack, let's try the back door. Jack: Will Truman! Coming on to me at a time like this!
Karen: Grace. It's Christmas, for goodness sake. Think about the baby Jesus... up in that tower, letting his hair down... so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.
Jack: It's time to put the sex back in homosexual, Will.
[Val is making obscene positions in the elevator] Will: Val? What are you doing? Val: Oh, nothing, just a liitle something to the security camera. A liitle gift for the boys in the basement. Jack: Shut up, I do the same thing. Will: I hate to disappoint you both, bu that's not a security camera, that's a smoke detector.
Jack: Yeah. Oh, look! There he is. There's Bill. Isn't he dreamy? Karen: Yeah, he's a slice of ice-cream cake. Now, when do I get to French-kiss a girl? Come on, when? When?
Malcolm: Excuse, Ma'am, but might I just say how beautiful you are, and I look forward to seeing you ride that electric wheelchair towards me on a very bumpy road... in a town where everyone's naked. Karen Walker: Hello, Karen Walker, and it's a pleasure to meet a true gentleman. But now if you'll excuse me, the gap between my toes is throbbing like a son of a bitch!
Karen: What's that, honey? Grace: Funnel cake Karen: Can I have some? Grace: [Innocently] Yeah, the stand is right over there...
Karen: Honey, my mother wants to do something for herself and that gives me a beautiful feeling. Grace: So do the little blue pills you take every fifteen minutes from the bottle labeled "Beautiful Feeling!"
[Jack is protesting a gay kiss being pulled from an NBC show, and has just been told the channel can't promote that lifestyle] Jack: It's a gay network, for God's sake, the symbol is a peacock!
Jack: Elliot, we're gonna have an adult conversation now so I think you should leave the room. [They start walking towards the door] Elliot: Well, can I listen at the door? Jack: [looking around] ... Yeah, I think that'd be okay.
Jack: I cost a little more but I'm worth it.
Grace: We're all here for you, right Karen? Karen: Why wasn't I your girlfriend, queerbait? Jack: What? Karen: You told your mother that Grace was your girlfriend, how could you? Jack: But I didn't even know you when I made up that lie. Karen: Oh yeah, but when you did, you should have broken up with her, and hooked up with me. Jack: You're married, I'm gay. Karen: Not in the lie.
Karen: Grace Alden. I'm ashamed... Grace: Adler. My last name is Adler. Karen: Oh... That's pretty.
Jack: Wow, Will, you did a great job planning this wedding. [bowing] Jack: I take my pants off to you.
Will: "I am Mr Stein." Say it. Mr. Stein: It.
Karen: I know what this is. This is the work of our limp wrested lawyer, WILL TRUMAN.
Karen: [to Will and Jack] Hey. What the hell did you two Mork and Mindy-looking sons of bitches do to my cousin Barry? You're supposed to help him be gay, but you didn't finish. The poor kid's so confused, he's sitting at home on the couch watching football in a spandex onezie.
Karen: [to Jack] You didn't get nominated. Yeah, someone from the Mack Awards called. Ted... Homosexual.
Will: You know, the female reproductive system is so amazing. It's a miracle, really. So complex. So beautiful.Yow! What is that thing? God! It looks like the bad guy in a science fiction movie. Grace: Oh, please. Like your stuff looks like a box full of kittens? It don't.
Karen: Grace that blouse hurts like a hangover.
Grace: The only reason you were offered a job, is so that he can slither out of the lawsuit. Will: Of course. That ruthless bastard offered me a 5-year contract, paid vacation, a huge signing bonus, all to make a dispute over slipcovers go away. How could I have been so blind. Grace: Why do your people always go to sarcasm first?
Karen Walker: She's gone to Mexico for face-lifts so many times, I'll bet if you whacked her head with a stick, prizes would fall out.
Liz: [to Karen] You scared him off with your wierd bisexual vibe...
Karen: Oh honey, you're always the life of the party. Oh, speaking of parties, would you like me to "RSTD" to Moe and Mary's? Grace: Uh, I don't know Karen, I'm really not in the party mood. Karen: There'll be a nice cake. Grace: I do like a nice cake.
Kevin Bacon: Man if I had a dollar for every jock strap my stalker stole from me... Jack: You'd have $187!... [Kevin Bacon looks at him strangely] Jack: ... [nervously] Jack: It's just an expression.
Jack: Welcome to Cynical Island, population: you.
Will: So, what do you think about my therapist? Grace: I like him. I like him like I like the Statue of Liberty. I know he's there but I don't need to see him all the time. Will: Interesting analogy.
Karen: You know what else is sad? Poor people who have dreams. [pause] Karen: Well that's not sad as much as it is extremely funny.
[Lyle has chosen Karen over Lorraine] Lyle Finster: I-I'm sorry, Lorraine. I love you, but I'm not in love with you, and I *am* in love with Karen. Karen: What? You are? Lyle Finster: Yes, and it's - it's never happened to me before. Lorraine: But what about my mummy? Lyle Finster: Well, I-I wasn't so much *in* love with mummy as I was *in* an alley and *out* of condoms.
Karen: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm devastated, too. Jack: Mmm, it does, thanks.
Will: Ahh Jack. Cute as a button, but not quite as smart.
Jack: Go, before somebody drops a house on you. Karen: Up yours, Dorothy.
Karen: [storming angrily out of the Principal's Office] You dragged me down to this God-forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll? Honey, my time is precious, call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!
Karen: Where the hell are my slippers? Rosario: Have you looked up your ass, you drunken fool?
Grace: [on the phone] Yes. This is Grace Adler of Grace Adler Designs. I was in there yesterday. I told you I would be back today. And now you're telling me you're all out? Do you know how much business I've given you over the years? How much money I've spent? You idiots never make enough chili. [Slams down the phone]
[after ripping open Grace's trousers] Fanny Lieber: Oh... you're Jewish. Grace: [long pause] How... how can you tell that? Fanny Lieber: Cheap underwear.
Will: That sounds fun. What time is it on? Jack: Uh, not really looking for any Johnny-come-latelys. Will: Oh, please, please, please, can't I be a flouncing geek, too?
Alex: [on the phone] Come on Will, tell the truth, you're actually a married man with wife and kids with no intention to ever see me again. Will: Nothing could be more far away from the truth. Grace: [entering and yelling] Good Morning sweety. Oh my God, is that bacon? I love you, I love you, I love you.
Jack: Mary Kate and Ashley, it's beautiful.
Jack: Jennifer Jason Leigh, these people are freaks.
Karen: My mother's crazy, that's why I had her committed. Well, she's not as crazy, as so much as she really bugs me... yeah, she's a bitch.
Will: Grace, go to bed. You obviously have had a very busy day of crazy.
Grace: I just gave a quarter to a homeless guy, I think it was Johnny Depp.
Grace: No, he is not laughing at you. He is laughing with me, who is laughing at you.
Grace: [making up a story about a vase they brought at a nick-nack store] It's a sad story actually, it's the only thing that survived the fire that burned down the house when Grams accidentally answered the iron. Jack: With her hook!
[Jack lost Will's boyfriend's dog and Will and Jack are trying to figure out what to do when he knocks on the door] Jack: Maybe it's not Paul. Paul: Hi, it's Paul. Jack: Maybe it's a different Paul. Paul: Paul Bailey. Jack: Maybe he forgot about the dog. Paul: I'm here for the dog. Jack: Maybe he's over you. Paul: Oh, I've missed you. Jack: Well, my work here is done.
Will: Stanley Walker was a great man. Grace: A nice man. Jack: A FAT man. Will: He was a decent man. Grace: A kind man. Jack: A surprisingly good dancer.
[Jack is meditating to prepare to tell his mom he's gay] Jack: And now I'm calm. [Here's a knock on the door and learns it's his mother] Jack: Sarah Jessica Parker. Hide me.
Karen: Swell party. My stepson's no longer a virgin. Thanks, Debbie Harry.
Leo: Will, I want you to know that I'm going to do everything I can to make Grace as happy as you have... well, plus sex.
Nathan: Carefull, that's a nasty paper-cut waitin' to happen.
Will: Well, you should be happy you didn't take a ride on the Truman Train. Leo: Train? There was one passenger. Will: Yeah... but at least she got off.
[Karen is running a scam with her con-artist mother, and she is wearing a sweatshirt that says 'I Loves Me Kitty'] Jack: Oh, my God, I have that same shirt! Except, um, mine has a big rooster on it, and it says 'I love me big, red - ' Will: Jack!
Bobbi Adler: Now Grace, I don't want you to freak out, but the biggest day of your life is ruined. Grace: What? Bobbi Adler: Your father's back went out. Grace: Well how is he going to walk me down the aisle? Bobbi Adler: Oh don't worry, we'll just put a pastrami sandwich under the Chuppah and he'll find his way there.
Leo: You're right, I am an adult... Karen: ...er-er.
Karen: Hey, gays!
Jack: Guess what I just got off of eBay? Grace: I don't know what you got, but I know a scooter that just won a homosexual.
Karen: [holding Jack in a headlock] You backstabbing... you are never to see that woman ever again, or else I will tie fishhooks to your nipples and throw you off the Chrysler Building!
Jack: 1. Five hundred thousand dollars all in fifties. 2 A Shetland pony died pony blue to match my eyes. 3 Powder Blue Eyes.
Karen: How about a toast... Karen, Jack: To Will and Grace's baby. Will: I can't believe you told her. Grace: I can't believe you told him. Will: He doesn't count, he never listens. Grace: She doesn't count, she's always buzzed. Karen: Hey, hey, hey. Hey, c'mon now... where are we? Jack: ...I'm sorry, what?
Mrs. Markus: Don't worry, Grace, Marvin will fill you in on everything. Grace: Who's Marvin? Leo: I'm Marvin. Grace: Your name is Marvin? Leo: Yeah, but people have always called me 'Leo' because... my name is Marvin.
Karen: Driver, turn up the heat, there's a nip in the air back here. [looks at breasts] Karen: Oh, make that two!
Karen: Honey, when I agreed to drive you to the set, you didn't say it was on Staten Island. How the hell am I ever gonna get the stench of landfill and working class families out of tropical lightweight wool?
[talking to Grace about why they don't think as one anymore after living apart] Will: We've lost our mojo. [pause] Will: Or in this case, our homo-jo
Jack: You sure you don't want to go to Joe and Larry's kid's party? You'll tower over people. Will: I do like to feel tall.
Ben Doucette: You have till Friday, Will. Will: Friday... Like in Friday? Ben Doucette: No, Friday like in Thursday, but I'll give you till Friday.
Jack: We need a good designer. Karen: Do you know any? Jack: Why isn't she speaking? Karen: Because she's hypnotized by her own dress.
[Will has quit his job and now wants to be a writer; they are now at a party] Will: Oh, Rosario, I - look, I'm doing some writing on social injustice, you know, the battle between the classes? Rosario: You want to interview me? Will: No, no, I just want to jot something down. Could you hold my glass? Rosario: [mad] Sleep with your lights on, white devil. Your time is coming.
Karen: [to a lesbian at a hate crime prevetion fundraiser] Oh yeah, honey, we're all lesbians when the right man isn't around.
Rosario: It's Mr. Stan. He's dead. [everyone is stunned] Leo: [entering] Hey, hey, I got off work early, picked up a couple of sixes. I found a 20 on the street - damn, it's good to be alive... What?
Lorraine: You're a fancy dresser. Are you English? Will: Oh no, I'm gay. Lorraine: Well, its the same thing. Will: If that weren't true, I'd find that offensive.
Karen: Jack I've spent years and my husbands millions learning about fashion. What are your qualifications? Jack: I'm gay. Karen: Oh honey what would I do without you?
Karen: My name is Anastasia Beverhausen. That's Anastasia like Russian royalty and Beverhausen like... where the beaver live.
[during Karen's wedding] Jack: Here comes the bride... and she is pissed!
Sissy: Damn it, why does everyone out grow me?
Rosario: [to Karen] Why don't I just squeeze you like a sponge. There's probably enough alcohol in you to fill a hot-tub.
Will: That's why I should never meet a legend. It's always disappointing, like the time I met Big Bird at the Ice Capades. Not so big.
Deirdre: We hear you and Grace have made quite a name for yourselves on the west side. Kudos. Will: Thank you. Deirdre: No, I see you have a box of kudos on your desk.
Will: [about Stan] He didn't find out about your affair, did he? Karen: No. Thank God my boobs are like arms. I was able to distract Stan with one of them while the other one motioned for Lionel to get out the door.
[Will is wearing an Abercrombie like shirt] Karen: Oh, Will, there was someone in the elevator asking for you. Oh, yes, it was your youth it wants its shirt back.
Grace: I thought this could be a theme party. Nathan and me, Jack and his father, Karen and her drink. [to her martini] Karen: Thanks for coming.
Jack: Can you contact me with Jude Law? Psychic Sue: He's not dead. Jack: I know, but I still want to make contact with his other side.
Will: Grace, you are in no way to blame for your sisters metabolism. Or her epic ass.
Jack: Who gets married on twenty-thou? My dress alone will cost fifteen.
[Will invited Jack's mom to their Thanksgiving dinner] Jack: The woman is a monster, and you clearly did this to torture me. Will: I did not. That was just an unexpected bonus, really.
Grace: Fine, I don't need to go out with you guys. I have a kick ass night planned. Will: OK, ant traps are under the sink. Grace: Thanks.
Grace: [Grace has picked up some slogans at an A.A. meeting] "Let go and let God." Karen: Where did you hear that? Who taught you that hate speech?
Will: [about Jack] A man who stared humiliation in the face and said: Don't I know you?
Jack: As you know, this weekend, my new show opens at the Duplex, and this year, I'm giving my fans something I know they're dying for. Grace: Their money back?
Grace: Where's Daddy? Bobbi Adler: Oh, he's in Conneticut. Grandma Rose threatened to die.
Karen: What's so great about another person anyway? All they do is manhandle your boobs and eat all the ham. Will: Yeah. And get hair gel all over your pillow and move around your bedside table figurines. Mr Stein: And cut your tie in half and make you call yourself Nancy...
Jack: That doesn't look like a salad to me! Where's the arugula? Where's the radicchio? Where's the Rwanda? Ben Doucette: Jack, one of those isn't a salad ingredient so much as a war-torn country in Africa. Jack: I know that! I sponsor a kid in Arugula!
Ben Doucette: Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference? Karen: Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick, so you're asking the wrong gal.
Will: Got a hot date? Jack: No, but the guy who's dating me does.
Will: Your dad's great. Grace: Yeah, in a parallel universe where my hair is straight and so are you.
[Karen thinks that Grace can win the affections of a gay couple she knows with presents] Karen: Honey gays love presents. Stick something shiny under their faces and their yours. It's how we won New York back from the Gay Indians...
Karen: Well, well, well. Look what the cat cleaned up, showered, exfoliated, powdered, lipsticked, Gucci'd and dragged in.
Karen: [laughs at grace talking about a romantic evening she had] Oh that's tragic, which lever do I pull to make a safe drop on me?
Karen: By your inflection I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but... No.
[Jack has his feet up on Grace's table] Jack: I'm too much of a giver. That's right. I give a little bit too much. Always putting other people's needs before mine. Well, no more. Before it used to be World, Jack. Now it's Jack, World. Grace: Hey, Jack-world, how about you move your Jack-feet before I kick your Jack-ass?
Jack: Are you done? Wait a minute let me rephrase that. You're done!
Will: This guy I had a date with tonight, used to be straight. I was his first homosexual date. Jack: What. He just can't start sleeping with guys, who is he, Anne Heche?
Karen: [to a waiter] Hey apron. who told you you could make eye contact?
[about newly gay man Barry] Jack: Will, you don't understand. We have to help the new gays. Nurture them, make them beautiful. We have to Gay It Forward. Will: How long have you been sitting on that one? Jack: Since the movie came out.
Jack: There are no straight men. Only men who haven't met Jack.
Grace: OK, this has been driving me crazy, and I can't keep it in any longer. There's something I really need to tell you. I have been dating your shrink. Will: [in unison with Grace] Dating my shrink. Grace: How did you know? Will: Well, let's just say he's used my sessions to figure out a way to get into Graceland.
[after someone asks Will what his name is] Will: I'm Truman. Will Truman. And I really didn't mean to say that in a Bond. James Bond kind of way.
Karen: I'm still waiting on that drink. Ben Doucette: Something tells me you haven't been waiting.
Will: Karen, I am a lawyer, which means, unlike you, I actually *passed* a bar.
Jack: Will Truman, don't think that we didn't see you and your big forehead sneaking out of that party last night!
Will: [on Grace] She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage.
Jack: Will, the sweetest thing just happened. The lady on the elevator said we were a cute couple. Stuart: Well, actually she said, "Stop making out or the fires of Hell will consume you."
Karen: Grace, my head is spinning. and not in a good way. Grace: OK,let my try an experiment I did in college. [Karen sighs then grabs Grace's face as if she is going to kiss her] Karen: All right one kiss and back to work. Grace: Not that kind of experiment.
[Nathan gives Will a wet willie] Will: Now if you excuse me, I'm going to dip my head in alcohol. Karen: Oh! Wait for me!
[Will and Grace are dancing on the roof of a building just before her wedding] Will: Don't tell Leo that I had the first dance.
Rosario: [to Karen] Up yours, Count Drunkula.
Jack: Why are you so angry? Why don't you tell me what this is really about? Oh... my god. You're in love with me, aren't you? Will: Do you smell toast? Because I think you're having a stroke.
Jack: I don't know Truman it's kind of a turn off. Howabout mary fatjeans?
Will: [telling Grace how she's lucky she didn't have sex with him] Yeah, a ride on the Truman train could have ruined you for life. Leo: Train? Train? You had one passenger. Will: Yeah, but at least she got off.